This morning I woke up at 3:21am. The classic middle of the night pee and the frustration that follows upon not being able to fall back asleep. I didn’t fall back asleep until about 6:20-6:30ish. I was wrestling with God on wanting to get a good night’s sleep because I was beating myself up about not being able to get comfortable in my body. Poor Guy, He didn’t do anything wrong but I am angry so I vent it to Him, aware that I wasn’t kind in the attitude of my mind towards Himself and me. (Even in being just mean to myself, I am being mean to Him, because my life was His idea, not mine. I didn’t think or will myself into existence.)
When I woke up again at 9:05, after tossing and turning for a few hours in worry that I was over sleeping, I snoozed until 9:30. I prayed. I asked God to help me with my mind and with my battles of beating myself up.
I told myself, no matter what happens today, I will trust Him.
I read Luke 12:32… “do not be afraid little flock, for it is your Father’s great pleasure to give you The Kingdom.” (basically my favorite verse ever…) and that boosted me out of bed. This verse follows the slew of verses that tell us not to worry about our lives and to trust God with everything.… Hm. interesting..
and of course, Luke 12:6-7, just a few verses before (some more favorites) about us being worth more than the sparrows and that “the very number of hairs on your head are numbered.”
That blows my mind.
He counts the number of hairs on my head?
He counts them with much more affection and kindness than the amount of rows and cars I counted today in attempting to find a parking spot.
I leave the house about 10:45 or so to arrive at my community college to absolutely NO parking. Even the overflow parking was off limits unless you were donating to Goodwill. I was getting so irritated! I started to give up and was huffing and puffing when a student just dropped stuff off in their car instead of leaving in that car so I could have their spot… someone playing some nasty rap song far too long right next to me… (that was gross..) and someone else driving WAY TOO FAST. That scared me. Someone spots a student who is leaving and they snatch their spot… “I have probably been here longer than you, that’s not fair…”
I was not doing well.
Then a sweet girl let me follow her to her car and I got her spot. Sweet victory came over me. This was awesome.
I needed to get to school to finish an assignment due tonight for my night class. I needed to leave at 12:45 to take my mom to an appt. I get into my computer lab at 11:45... I think about 35-40 minutes of driving up and down those rows. I told the faculty member when he asked me how I was that “I am good, but parking was a nightmare. He told me that was because there was an event in the performing arts center today… that explains it.
I turn on the computer and check my email before starting the assignment for the class
that was cancelled tonight.
He sends the email at 11:09 (while I am driving up and down and up and down and up and down.)
This day has NOT gone as planned. At all.
Now my mom is having my brother take her to give me more time at school. My tummy is already growling and I don’t have food because my mom and I were going to lunch before her appt…
Ay ay ay. It can be so hard not to complain sometimes.
But you know what?
I am flipping the pancake called my attitude. I am putting the gooey side down on this hot metal before the other side turns black in burning. Even though I cooked the first side a little too much in the heat of a sour, far too worked-up of an attitude… I still have another chance on the other side.
I am taking my other side seriously and will pay careful attention to it.
I think these pancakes are going to turn out amazing.
Who knew that pancakes could be so redemptive?
I have my fork and I am ready to feast on His mercies that are new every morning.
And today I am believing, they are new every moment…